Date Nights that are Quarantine Safe

Keeping your relationship new and healthy is so important. A way to help with this is by continuously dating. That is why dating your spouse is vital in the success of a marriage. Not the same way you did before marriage, but in a way thats helps to continue moving the relationship forward. This idea can similarly be applied to long term relationships that do not involve marriage.

Can you remember your first date with your spouse/partner? I do! It was exciting, uncomfortable, and filled with potential. I knew nothing about him, which was both helpful because that meant that I had a lot of ways to engage in a conversation but also scary because I didn't know if I would like talking with him.

If you are dating with the intention of establishing a long term relationship, you will approach the night differently. When you go on this first date you ask a slew of questions to help determine your interest in continuing to date this person. You want to know their values, interests, hobbies, and upbringing. We even pay attention to body language and slight verbal cues because they give a lot of insight. But that's not all! How many times have you and your friends joked about being your own private detectives!?! Maybe you even did some online searching before hand, helping you make a decision about saying yes to a date. I know that I did a general google search about Cody! And when I told my mom his name, she found all of his social media accounts, LinkedIn, family tree, and personal website.

After this brief evaluation, you make a decision. If you decide to continue dating, there are so many conversations that happen. After a few months, you are feeling that you know every single thing about that person. The problem with this approach is that no person ever stays exactly the same. The belief that you know everything about one another is a false construction of our relationship. We are always growing and changing and so is our spouse. This is why when we stop asking questions, we become strangers all over again. Unless you keep asking questions, we really only have a snapshot of who the person is that we are dating in that moment. How can can we base everything we know about that person on one period of time?!

Just earlier today Cody and I were talking about college life and he shared something that he quickly became embarrassed by. It was nothing bad! It is just that we aren't the same people that we were in college and we judge ourselves for our own choices and behaviors. It goes to show that even two years makes a difference in the people that we were (we started dating 2.5 years after he graduated from undergrad). The joke between us is that we would have never given each other a chance in college because our lifestyles and personalities would have clashed. So what is stopping us from growing apart?

The answer is to ask more questions. Different circumstances will warrant different reactions and feelings. By constantly checking in with one another we are able to grow together rather than apart. Doing this isn't always easy. Sometimes we are clashing more than other times and it takes time to realize why. It isn't because we don't care about one another, but rather because life has taken over and become a distraction. Conversations shift to focus on chores, work, pets, etc. We easily ignore the work that our relationship requires to be able to meet our daily basic needs. It goes to show that as much as we are seeking the comfort of stability, we actually need some surprises in a relationship.

Quarantine has only furthered the strain on relationships by highlighting those basic needs of stability. When we are worried about health, money, food, schooling, daycare, and jobs we ignore our emotions and hearts. We have a hierarchy of needs that make it very clear that if we don't have support for our day to day survival than we don't have the internal or external resources we need to enhance and maintain relationships.

Yes, meeting those needs come first, but we also need to find room in our schedule to still date. If we do, we will be so much happier! You really will feel more connected and have a stronger relationship for it.

This is where date nights come in. Cody and I have had to work hard to maintain date nights, especially now. We both have our work and it is easy to get lost in it. After a few weeks of quarantine, we started scheduling times in our calendar to go on walks, picnics, dinner dates (at home on the patio), and dog park outings. We specifically aim to do as much outdoors as possible because we want to stay off technology. But, we do have those nights each week that we try and find a movie or a show that we both like (thank you Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime!).

These times don't have to be for long. I am sure that it is harder for those of you with families. Even labeling 5 minutes a day can make a difference. Lay in bed together, stand over the kitchen counter drinking your coffee, or sit on the couch briefly. For those who are long distance, take your phones and go on simultaneous walks, stream a movie together, and cook the same meal and eat it over a video call. There are so many ways to be creative. We did long distance for 2.5 years so I know it is hard, but if you want it to work and it is the right person I trust that you can do it!

I put together a list of ideas to try and help with your date nights/days/moments.

Ask Each Other Questions from a Table Conversation Starter Kit

Backyard Camping

BBQ Night

Bonfire and Smore's

Book Club For Two

Build a Fort

Build a Snowman or Make One Out of Crushed Ice and Food Coloring (Mini Version)

Campout in the Living Room

Chocolate Tasting Night

Color with Chalk Outside

Create a Mini Golf Game with Items Around the House

Decorate Mugs for Each Other

DIY Project

Do a Selfie Photo Crawl

Do an Online Workout

Drive-In Movie

Eat Meal by Candle Light/Fireplace

Eat a Meal on the Patio/Balcony

Finger Foods Only Dinner

Go on a Bike Ride

Go on a Scavenger Hunt

Go on a Walk

Go to the Dog Park

Have a Cook-Off

Have a Karaoke Night

Have a Picnic

Have Breakfast in Bed

Learn the Rules of a Sport

Make a Scrapbook

Make a Meal Together

Make a Time Capsule

Make Home Made Ice Cream

Make Home Made Pizza

Make it a Theme Night for Dinner (Get Dressed Up)

Make Matching T-Shirts

Paint a Picture

Play a Board Game

Play a Video Game

Play the Newly Weds Game

Put Together a Puzzle

Read to Each Other

Seasonal Themed Meal

Spend the Day at the Lake

Star Gazing Road Trip

Start a Garden

Take a Bubble Bath

Take a Hike

Take Turns Drawing and Guessing Each Other's Pictures

Walk Through Local Gardens

Walk Through the Neighborhood and Make Up Stories About the Residents

Watch a Movie/TV Show Outside

Watch a Sunset

Write a Story Together

Write Each Other Notes

Let me know what you end up trying and if you do any DIY's or crafts share the pics of Instagram and tag me in it. :D Happy Dating!

xoxo,

Shana Bryn